As I was thinking about a client who had shared on his tendency to procrastinate, it dawned on me that there have been things I have been putting off for a while. Writing blog entries, for example. I thought about the reasons I have used to convince myself to stall such important tasks: Continue reading
If you were to spend this weekend doing something utterly enjoyable, but you’re not allowed to post it on Facebook, what would it be? Give yourself a moment to think about this.
Some of you may be thinking, why shouldn’t I be allowed to post it? Continue reading
I love driving around various neighborhoods during springtime, when flowers bloom and lawns come back to life after a dreary winter. Each time, I cannot help but be amazed at the peace and calm in many neighborhoods around Seattle. When one considers that our region is graced by the presence of tech companies with higher than average education and income levels, you may be led to believe that all people, particularly on the Eastside, somehow enjoy a higher quality of life. Continue reading
Spring cleaning. A daunting but necessary annual task for most people. But as you dust your ceiling fan, clean out your freezer, and purge your closet, have you considered doing some cleaning up for the digital possessions you’ve accumulated over the years? I’m talking about the pictures you took of all the tantalizing desserts you’ve had, email threads with friends when you were making weekend plans, and random music and shows you downloaded because they were free? Continue reading
If you’re like most people, you probably dread conflict with your partner. After all, when we said in our vows, “For better or for worse, ” we all hoped for more “better” moments than “worse.” I cannot imagine anyone delighting in feeling misunderstood or hurt, getting frustrated that their partner is not listening, and being overwhelmed by the stress of going in circles around an issue that keeps coming up between them.
Couples who come into marriage therapy usually have had their fair share of fights. I hear them say, “We can’t communicate with each other without starting a fight.” As a result, many of them choose to avoid having any verbal communication for fear of getting into another argument. In time, these couples drift apart, with little to hold their relationship together except bitter memories of fights long past and the constant fear of re-enacting them. Continue reading
I mentioned in my previous post a recent study which showed that some movies strengthen couples’ relationships. The researchers claimed that watching certain movies and following a guided discussion aftewards could be as effective as couples’ therapy. This study received a lot of media attention and was touted as a “revolution in couples therapy.” Before you pick up the phone to cancel your next couples therapy session, let me share with you some important details you may not have seen in all the media coverage. Continue reading
Like it or not, we are bombarded on a daily basis by proclamations that romance is the one thing that will make our lives complete. We croon to sappy songs about love gained and lost, sometimes as if that is all that matters in life. We tune in every week to The Bachelor as he searches for The One among a dozen women with supermodel good looks. We mesmerize our kids with stories of princesses pining for their one true love. Even as we sit transfixed by the computer-generated scenes of apocalyptic destructions in Hollywood blockbusters, we inevitably swoon when the hero and heroine ultimately lock their lips in a climatic embrace. Yes, love conquers all, even if the world was this close to coming to an end.
Or so it would seem.Continue reading
This Lunar New Year, I’m thinking about the tens of thousands of Chinese and Vietnamese international students in the US who are unable to spend this joyous time with their families.
I wasn’t homesick when I spent my first Lunar New Year away from my family and all things familiar to me. Having left my country, Singapore, a month prior to that for graduate school in Seattle, I found everything here exciting: the short and chilly days, American food, friendly service in stores, free speech. I was thrilled at the prospect of fitting in, of perhaps adopting a new identity. I couldn’t wait to be Americanized. Continue reading
I read with great sadness in today’s paper about a 28-year-old mother of four found killed in her apartment. She had twice sought protection orders against her violent ex-boyfriend. In one petition, she expressed a resignation that “a piece of paper isn’t going to save my life when he finally gets me, but at least you know who killed me.” Continue reading
You’ve made your New Year’s resolutions. You’ve learned from your past experiences and feel better prepared for challenges ahead that may sway your determination. You kick the new year off in the right gear and feel hopeful you’ll do it right this time. You’ve even scoured the Internet to learn the tricks to keeping your resolutions. Now let’s add one more to your bag of tools to increase your chances of success. Continue reading